William's reflection of the past. To Eric, a true friend that I don't always understand
As a friend I remember you used to be quiet, sitting by yourself. I remember the first time we talk. I remember the many times how stubborn you can be. I remember how many times I want to punch you in the face. I remember when we used to pray together during lunch - I don't pray anymore. I remember the times we understand one another - and the times we don't I remember sometimes fights brought us closer together - it still does. I remember it was fun, lying on the bench in Miliken park, waiting for the shootings stars. It was cold, but you were there. My attitude I remember how much a pain I had been. I remember how stubborn I can be, for what I think is good. I remember how happy I was when PT was born. I remember how bad I can make people feel at times. Stay away from my Bass! I remember how much time we used to have toward our dream. I remember that I used to be more ambitious about music. I remember how much, as a friend, you have suffered from my bad tempers. I remember how much I have expected from both of you, for us, for the band. I remember how disapointed I was, even now. The band I remember how sad it was when I lost my faith, my religion. I remember how sad it was to see 911 happen. I remember leaving the last band, and started this "band". I remember hopeing, for a better end. I remember how you used to teach us theory, and Camila. I remember seeing other bands on stage and feel frustrated. I remember how much I want to prove to myself and to everyone. I remember wanting to prove to everyone that I have my own music to give. I remember dreaming of a dream, oh stage, together. I remember how I wish we can do that even for once. I remember how our hands are put together for the first time, in the park. An End? or a New beginning? You tell me. This is what I wrote shortly after we changed our band name, but never posted it until now becuase I am afraid that it might discourage anyone. 閒時把舊相簿拿出來，看見這些照片才發現原來在加拿大生 活的十幾年裡面，所遇上很多不同的朋友。 現在他們各有各的 方向，有些大學畢業，有了一份不錯的工作；有些還像我一樣， 仍然在學業上努力。 大家向著不同的目標前進，以不同的步伐 向著自己的方向進發。 十年前我不知道我會入 OCAD 讀設計， 到畢業之後餘下的日子我也不知道會怎麼過。 有時我會與朋友 開玩笑說我讀完 Design 出來必定去當巴士司機。 因為曾經給 自己計劃了許多的目標也實現不了，說不定真是命中注定要去當 巴士司機。 有時夢想和理想並不是自己能控制，我曾說過我的 夢想是把自己的音樂帶給其他人。 曾經抱著熱成與朋友成立 Polaris Tears （現改名為 Blueberry and Hazelnut）。 我們的作品不少，但兩年間的進展還是停留在初起步的階段。 奇實我還是覺得這一隊樂隊很有 potential，只是他們有太多放 不下的玩意，而音樂在他們的眼中比那一些玩意次要。 這一條路 起初是大家一起決定走的，但因為走的步伐不同，久而久之走的 方向變了。 也許現在我們要試一試依自己的方向走這條路，不需 要誰等誰趕上；誰要吃力急起直追。 這隊樂隊並不是解散，只是 以另一個方法前進，路上我們必定會再次遇上，一起繼續創做音樂。 September 2003 William's Sorries I am sorry that you have to write 1441 words to explain your feelings. I am sorry that had only wrote 665 words, 4 am, and go to school later @ 7am. I am sorry that I had shared with you my pressures. I am sorry for all of the factors that slowed down progress. I am sorry for the feelings toward you that I sometimes share, harshly. I am sorry that I can't stop finding my dream, for anything. I am sorry that we have different thoughts on what is more important. I am sorry becuase of school we don't always see each other often enough. I am sorry that you got a girlfriend and I don't (not yet). I am sorry for the things I've said that hurt your feelings - the car stuff mostly. I am sorry that life is tough, short, meaningless. I am sorry that music might be the only way I can find meaning in life. I am sorry for the world might be comming to an end in 2004. I am sorry but I really want to leave something in this world for people to remember me about. But I am happy, to hear that you have cried for our friendship. You still care. I LOVE YOU BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PS. I would still like to create music together, not like that in the past, but wholeheartedly. Tell me when it is possible for you to do so. 3:58am January 13, 2004